What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
