Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
