chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
40s are totally the cure
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
