He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
