All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
