why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
