Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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