Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
