Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
