Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
