the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
is it fun? or sober?
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