Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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