i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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