I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
