Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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