dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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