Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
