I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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