I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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