I wish life had little blips of pornography
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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