Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize