how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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