A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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