Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
