i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
