shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Randomize
