My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
