I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
