Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
