I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
