Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
