My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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