i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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