If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
