I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize