fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
