The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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