we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He passed out mid-signature
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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