I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
