just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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