Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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