Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
