Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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