I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You pole danced in your parka.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
