Nicole vs. Life
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
