Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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