so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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