Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I lost the right to judge tonight
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