He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize