the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
