Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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