I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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