I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
