i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
