i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
