whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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