I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
