My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
