i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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