I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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