How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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