Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
