no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
3pm strippers are depressing
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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