she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
