He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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