i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
