im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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