My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize