Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
